Saturday, January 18, 2014

Welcome to the new Path

Welcome to the new Path.

Weather you came across this blog from our old site listing or are new I wish to great you all and ask you to step in and share your stories opinions and thoughts on each new subject of each post.
 Each post will be broken into fractions of the following.

Core – this is the main issue of the post often I will try to post a subject about a core topic to be run through
here.

Professionals – This is where information provided by research in the very section of this posts topic(all sources will be linked with this section)

Personal – As a Transgender individual myself I have my own life experiences some good some bad and I will try to share much of what I personally experienced in my life based on the issue of the topic.
In The News – This section may or may not cover the issue of the core but will simply cover what notable news reports involving transgender people and issues around them

Comments – The only posts I will approve will be on topic ones for the core of that post. While I respect the opinions of all and want to accept most comments here I want to keep the posts on each post on topic. In the future if there is a demand for it I will expand the comments section.  If you don’t feel like commenting on this blog ether cause you feel you don’t want your post public or you wish to go off topic please contact me by email at brittanydodson@imbriaarts.com

WARNING:
The following blog contains adult oriented themes and touches on a subject not suitable for younger audiences without parental consent and guidance. It also touches on personal issues with its creator and some may find the material disturbing.
Discretion is advised.

Now on to the first topic:
Introductions / What is Transgender and how early do you see signs?
Those that may have read the original series of articles may already know this but I need to first introduce myself to the new readers.

Me in 2010

trans·gen·der
 adjective \-ˈjen-dər\
: of or relating to people who have a sexual identity that is not clearly male or clearly female

Full Definition
:  of, relating to, or being a person (as a transsexual or transvestite) who identifies with or expresses a gender identity that differs from the one which corresponds to the person's sex at birth

Medical Definition
: of, relating to, or being a person (as a transsexual or a transvestite) who identifies with or expresses a gender identity that differs from the one which corresponds to the person's sex at birth


Intro
The following story/ Strip are about very deep and close issues in my life. More so, it is covering the trials tribulations and struggles. I am writing it to educate, inform and assist others going through or know of someone going through this challenge in their lives. When I finally decided to pursue this side of me, I had hard time finding information that truly talked about the process on a one to one basis. All though the web has several stories of people going through their lives, often it is covered up in medical lingo and/or the important decisions of life are ignored as being personal. I will try to do what I can thru the posting of each new part of this sort of personal artistically put together blog and share my stories, perhaps others stories and the medical side of things as well. However, I am not a medical authority and should not be taken as one. I can only speak from life experience and from the stories sent to me. I can only state that as I write this introduction, that I too am learning about things and bring them to light the best way I know how.



The following is the official Public notice of the issue: (released online December 2008)

Okay it’s time to come clean. As I have stated in an earlier posting I had some health issues and some personal issues that I was dealing with that was causing me a delay in the release of my work and not letting me attend Conventions. Well now it’s time that I come clean. After months of planning on how to say it and even if I should I have come to the decision to just be blunt, come out, and say it? Yes, this could cost me customers, fans and even work and friends. However, this is something that if I do not become open about it will ultimately end up hurting me more emotionally and mentally in the long run.

First off, I ask that if you to bear with me but understand that this is an issue that I have struggled with for over 23 years of my life. Even though my immediate friends and family have known about it for a year now, I have not quite discussed in this out in the open that much nor as in-depth as I will in the future. Nor have I discussed how I had to make this decision in my life.
So here it is. I am transgendered. I always felt I was in the wrong body all my life and it took me looking at how my life was as I sat in the Emergency room early last October suffering from asthma and finding out how much closer to death I truly was. Over the last year, I thought about ending it. Several times in my life, I found my self-thinking of a way to kill myself. Trust me it takes a lot not to act on the impulse that I had to end it all back then. My life was stuck in a rut; I was overweight, depressed, out of work and building debt with no care for my self-being. All the while, I hid another life another side of me from myself and the world I had created in my mind. Hidden away in a box under my bed was a small collect of cloths that I would wear for time to time. It all started at the age of seven. Like many people who go through the life of being transgendered, this is when I started to notice the difference between boys and girls, and I found myself on the wrong side. I looked like a boy but inside I was a girl. When I tried to act like a girl society would push me away from my choice and tell me "No you are a boy and boys don't act like how you are acting." Therefore, I pushed it away locking my feelings, opinions and self away for how I was to be formed by the vision the world had for me. There where brief moments in my life where I would sneak a chance to feel like myself over the years but it wasn't till I was on my own that I start to really be able to explore my life but by then the damage was done. I my fury of holding my anger at what I had become inward and I continued to destroy my life through bad habits and negative thinking. Throughout this time, I was in and out of Therapy sessions and even placed on several drugs to help curb my attitude. However, what my life really called for was coming clean with who I am and who I wish to be.


Since I came clean to my friends, family and most importantly myself, I have been working on pursuing the path towards solving this issue. My first step was to get my health in line and learn to deal with the issue through therapy and with the help of friends and family. Luckily, for me I have loving friends and family that have all come to understand what I have been through and my decision is best for me. I have truly changed my life and how I act. Slowly I have over the last year been working on rebuilding my life from scratch only this time I would not ignore the person I want to be and the person I am. Although as I write this I have yet to go through any physical changes in my life (other than losing about 50 lbs. over the year) I have mainly focused on my lifestyle.

me at graduation from VCU May 2000 


Now for how this will affect my work, Other than CV taking two paths one being the continued humor strips where the old me will be replaced by the new me, and the new section called CV: Path of the Butterflies. This new section will not be for younger readers and will not just be a web comic instead, it will be more a personal transformation dairy and guide for others. The subject at times will be dark and for me deeply personal but I am ready and willing to share my life story with the world.

Cartoon me form my web-comic Critical View 

Otherwise it won't change my work I carry a sense of professionalism about my life and my choices I make yet I never have my life effect my work for both my fans and for my clients. Sure, my name will eventually change along with my looks. However, as for whom I am, that change has already occurred over the last year, I have matured and carry a professional attitude towards those who I work with making sure I get the job done at the absolute best way possible.
I write this I hope for you the reader to better understand me and what I am going thru.
In the future, I hope we can get to grow closer. If that is not the case then I am glad you gave me the time in reading this and any of my previous work and for that I thank you. For those that want to know more about this subject in my life I ask you to tune into my upcoming guide, Critical View: Path of the Butterflies. Where I will be sharing a more in-depth look at the decisions and issues that brought me to this point in my path of life and some tips, tricks, opinions and info I find along the way.

Thank you
B. T. Dodson


Photo Me and my brother (I'm the one in the red overalls) 

I wrote this in the original Path back in 2009 to reach the few friends through online and conventions that I had attended for years to learn about the issues I was going through. In the coming years I would learn more and more and see that things aren't always as clear as one can read. I first came out to my friends and family about what troubled me after years of studying and even more years of therapy. So let’s start with where my path began.

Personal (Age 7):
Like most children of the world at age seven all I cared about doing was playing and getting out of school to watch cartoons or as the eighties brought us day time game shows. I had two real friends in my life at this time outside of my family relationship. The first was my neighbor my age and a boy that shared my first name that would eventually move away. The second I don’t think my family ever met was a girl name Sarah. Sarah was my class room friend the two of us where the outcasts of the class we didn't care to play the games of others and she and I were perfectly contempt to just sit there and play in dirt or sand, we played house, and with dolls. I never would care for playing sports it wasn't that I couldn't (I actually have a undefeated trophy in soccer from that age) but I never had interest in it. But around this time I started to have a love for something different, girl’s clothing. It was around these times of playing with Sarah that I began to notice things that different my clothing and body from hers. I was wearing stripped collared shirts of the day and stuck in my uncomfortable corduroy pants, while she began to wear dress and skirts. She wasn't a beautiful girl by the class standards she was the plain looking girl with braids and thick glasses that kept shy about the time. But my play times with her weren't the only time I felt this way. Often I would go shopping with my mother at the local mall I would find my chance to hide away and feel at the clothing imaging the day that I finally could wear it myself. A time that I had to repress and it wasn't easy, I was adopted in my family and not but a few years later my mom and dad divorced and with it came family therapy. But the time in there and at school had the over eager staff to label me ADHD (All current signs and testing prove that I am not these days) Which had me in a therapist chair at the time of this issue and the frustration of me having to repress myself and my dreams caused anger, anxiety, depression and stress on the body of a young elementary school boy. Issues so suppressed I wouldn't confront them till long after damage would take years to fix. It wouldn't be till I was 27 till I reached that point of where my life had to change to match myself discovery of 7 years old



Professional Look:
Okay let’s being. Science has noted as did we in the last chapter that there are a few given signs to a person being transgender. The most notable ones being Depression and thoughts of suicide, these of course are final signs of transgender people as stated before as those that ignore these two signs will often just end up as a suicide statistic then another transgender. There are a couple of other signs but often they are dismissed as the subject acting odd or even placed into other types of mental disorders that the person may or may not have.

These early signs of Transgender subjects
01 Displacement from conformity in play with others of the same sex
02 Displacement of self from social activity
03 Anger issues
04 Tendency to start fights
05 A low tolerance to name calling
06 Emotionally Unbalanced behaviors

In these signs the child is identifying those that they more come to socially fit in with. If they are rejected they tend to go on their own and slip into an early stage of regression of themselves. The regression since the child hasn't fully developed its abilities to fully adapt turn to be let turned into acts or rage or sadness. Often these acts are brought out when confronted by the issue by peers. Note this is an ongoing study and is difficult for a case study based on the rarity of cases and it’s still currently an unknown as to causes.  

Most of these signs develop around ages 2 - 9 in children mainly when they begin to notice the difference in male and females.


Those Awkward Years 7 - 15

                As we further develop into adults the child begins to display other signs some more visible maybe even verbal, but its also when if the early signs are missed and it truly is a case of the child being transgender it will lead on to even further regression of ones self image.

                By the time I hit 7 I knew I wasn’t meant to be a boy. I would sneak in and try on my mothers cloths, I even tried some makeup at a day care I stayed after school (all be I did get in trouble when the caretakers found I got in her purse and smeared lipstick on me). But worse yet I started to seriously get bullied, my parents took it as the bullies picked on me to get me to react (something my therapist at the time also held to his heart) when in actually I knew exactly what it was that had me as their target. It was the fact that even though I looked like a boy I sure as hell didn’t act like one so they where determined by the course of nature to prove that I was no threat to them by picking on me. I had let the issue dig deep inside me so much that it let me have moments of black outs in a fight where I would fight back wildly, this worked a few times (all the way up till I was 14) but twice I learned it just had me fight wreck less and ignore what pain I myself took. The first time was when I was 7 and a bully I fought with hit me with a sanded down 2x4 to the head causing me to go in for stitches in my ear. The second time was my last real fight where a game of street baseball with all the neighborhood had turned into a fist fight with me and a teenager that was almost 17, I lost a tooth in that fight but it took me a good 20 minutes to even realize it was knocked out. Meanwhile my family trips to head shrinks where a common thing. Each time they tried to find me out. They conducted tests and would try to place me in places telling me how I should be. But I wouldn’t listen.

 Professional Look:

The next set of signs as I stated before my life view point are a fork in the road. Ether the child comes out and admits it or like my own life regresses it further. Thus this time we have two sections.

Those that come clean at childhood
01 Dress up in other genders cloths - in secret or in the open
02 admitting the issue to themselves and others
03 Still bullied, yet with outlets the issue can be dealt with in therapy or worked out with family
04 Depression can still begin yet can be channeled
05 Self Inflicted Body Abuse may begin

Those that regress further
01 Dress up in other genders cloths - In secret
02 admitting the issue to themselves then hiding it from others
03 Still bullied, Fights and emotional fits can become greater
04 Depression begins and may go unnoticed
05 Drug problems can begin
06 Suicidal thoughts can emerge
07 Body abuse may begin
08 Becomes a Shut in 

In both cases depression can still come out as well as body abuse such as “Cutting” or even violent acts at one self. Bullies will remain pretty much till high school as nature tries to stamp out the oddity in the room. The more noted difference is the open person will talk about the issue bothering them and may even try to fit in the role they wish to play by getting or asking for cloths that match who they feel they are. Where the regressed person will get or try on the cloths completely in secret, bringing the concept of shame and anger towards oneself for who they are which in turn leads to greater issues.
  
       By the time the child hit’s the teenage / high school years they have ether been working to deal with the issue or they haven’t and its been eating away at them. By this point the last of the signs take route as Puberty starts to take over. In this phase there are both small and very large signs to the issue it just matters on which side of the coin they are on. The side that’s open about the issue or the side that’s regressing it.

Teenage Wasteland
           
                By the time I hit high school I had begun to fully regress myself from the world. I did take part in helping out in the high school plays doing stage craft mostly, a job where I couldn’t be seen and thus no one would notice me. Suicide had become a weekly thought in my head and even though I was not skilled with a razor I used it to shave off any body hair I could with my unskilled hand. My parents kept talking me out of letting me even grow out my own hair, but then they couldn’t understand why a boy would want long hair (odd from people that saw the 1960’s but hey) I had no interest in girls or even sex at this stage of my life, the only sex I cared about was my own. But I will admit I was curious and since I was a tall and older looking then I was I got my hands on some porno magazines to get a better look at what I couldn’t see even in my sex ED class. I only went out to my prom on a whim and hastily went with a close high school friend. My prom did show a bit of my girly style as I was the only boy at the prom to be a decent dancer and to have a tux that while it looked good on me also had me stick out like a sore thumb. But it didn’t matter. These years most of my fights and anger issues were not at school any more, they where in the home. All I wanted was a way out. Out my home, out of my school, out of my sex or even out of my own life. I began to over eat when I got upset, I also would get health problems caused by the mental stress I was going through. I began to not care what happened to me. I began to fade away from my own life.


Professional Look:
The final stages that show in a transgender child are once again split in the two earlier forks only this time they are far more different then before.

Those that come clean
01 A feeling of not being able to fit in
02 Open display of wearing other sexes cloths
03 Personal name change
04 Stress of typical teenager, I.e. romance, school work, Work
05 Seeking of medical help
06 Regressing Puberty (by medical blockers)
07 Engaging opposing Puberty (by means of Hormones)
08 Greater Social activity then in earlier childhood
09 Self Mutilation
10 Depression (still possible but less sever)

Those that regress
01 Fighting Puberty
02 Still hiding wearing opposite sexes clothing
03 Depression
04 Thoughts and acts of suicide
05 Drug Abuse
06 Self Mutilation
07 Lack of interest Social events
08 Lack of interest in a partner
09 Greater aggression in the Home
10 Lack of focus on school or work
11 Lack of goals for future
12 Possible Reverse change (M-F transgender may try to be the role model of a male, vice versa for F-M)
13 Criminal Activity

Most of the issues for the child that becomes open are more positive routes to help them deal with the issue, even though some things can still linger that might cause some depression its less likely to be as sever as it is for the one regressing the issue.  Issues the regressed child has that may be key signs are such as fighting puberty. In my own way I fought my voice change which in a way did make my adult voice a bit pitchy. Depression is now a pretty much solid case now for the regressed child and along with it suicide thoughts and actions. The less noticed signs for regressed is the total lack of interest in most social events and people they can become part of. They may be able to scrape together a few friends and hide away in a social activity that takes a lot of people. Also they might try to be the role model of their birth sex, this means a male to female might grow facial hair and act super macho, or a Female to male might grow her hair long and wear dresses to try and hide who they are for their own safety, keep in mind its done purely as a defensive action cause by now they have had years of bullying to cause them to go into hiding in plain sight.


Those cover the possible signs there are as I can call it. So now that we better understand some signs of being transgender lets look at resources that are a good place to go to. In most books you would have to go looking into suggested sites in the bibliography but since this isn’t your average book we will be placing this in here. I will try and keep them separate as to help make things clear to all . I will cover some good and some bad. Giving you the reasons to check out each but also warning you on each. 

George Town report on the subject

National Women’s Health Network Article on the subject

Gazette article on the subject:

Acdima Research Article on the subject



Personal Last words:

Since coming out about this information much of my life has changed, much of the depression in my life is gone along with much of the anxiety as I began to become the person I always felt I should be. My anger is quelled for the most part to match normal standards and while I still get stressed I am both better equipped to handle it and find ways out of my situation.  These days I live full time on my own working on several tasks and freelancing on the side of working part time to help pay the bills. I may not be close to where I dreamed I was so long ago but now days I am much happier and willing to head down the road of being a productive member of society. And sharing the advice I can give is just one more step on the path.


Left: Me in 2007 4 months before I came out Right: Me March 2013 

In the News:

Katie Couric lands in hot water over wording on her show to Transgender guests

Okay this has been pretty much the hot button issue so far of the New Year with transgender people in a future post I will cover it more in depth but at this time I will just say that what you call someone is based on a one on one interaction. When you go on television shows expect to get some what offended or treated not in every way you would like because the shows live for conflict its ratings gold to them. I feel this is less worthy of the attention it’s been getting and say it’s a non-story in itself. Move along here people there are worse things to get upset about.  

Okay thank you for reading this article and please I ask leave a comment below on the subject of the matter which is, Introduction: What is Transgender, and how early do signs appear? Share your own stories or articles. If you want to keep your opinion from public view or you just want to share news articles, say hi or curse me out email me at brittanydodson@imbriaarts.com

Next Posts issue will be “Is begin Transgender something new? When did this whole thing start?”


See you next time and weather your trans or not keep walking the Path to begin a better person! 

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