Welcome to the new Path.
Weather you came across this blog from our old site listing or are new I wish to great you all and ask you to step in and share your stories opinions and thoughts on each new subject of each post.
Each post will be
broken into fractions of the following.
Core – this is the main issue of the post often I will try
to post a subject about a core topic to be run through
here.
here.
Professionals – This is where information provided by research in the very section of this posts topic(all sources will be linked with this section)
Personal – As a Transgender individual myself I have my own life experiences some good some bad and I will try to share much of what I personally experienced in my life based on the issue of the topic.
In The News – This section may or may not cover the issue of
the core but will simply cover what notable news reports involving transgender
people and issues around them
Comments – The only posts I will approve will be on topic ones for the core of that post. While I respect the opinions of all and want to accept most comments here I want to keep the posts on each post on topic. In the future if there is a demand for it I will expand the comments section. If you don’t feel like commenting on this blog ether cause you feel you don’t want your post public or you wish to go off topic please contact me by email at brittanydodson@imbriaarts.com
WARNING:
The following blog contains adult
oriented themes and touches on a subject not suitable for younger audiences without
parental consent and guidance. It also touches on personal issues with its
creator and some may find the material disturbing.
Discretion is advised.
Now on to the first topic:
Introductions / What is Transgender and how early do you see
signs?
Those that may have read the original series of articles may
already know this but I need to first introduce myself to the new readers.
Me in 2010
trans·gen·der
adjective \-ˈjen-dər\
: of or
relating to people who have a sexual identity that is not clearly male or
clearly female
Full Definition
: of, relating
to, or being a person (as a transsexual or transvestite)
who identifies with or expresses a gender identity that differs from the one
which corresponds to the person's sex at birth
Medical Definition
: of, relating to, or being a person (as a transsexual or a
transvestite) who identifies with or expresses a gender identity that differs
from the one which corresponds to the person's sex at birth
Intro
The following story/ Strip are
about very deep and close issues in my life. More so, it is covering the trials
tribulations and struggles. I am writing it to educate, inform and assist others
going through or know of someone going through this challenge in their lives. When
I finally decided to pursue this side of me, I had hard time finding
information that truly talked about the process on a one to one basis. All
though the web has several stories of people going through their lives, often
it is covered up in medical lingo and/or the important decisions of life are
ignored as being personal. I will try to do what I can thru the posting of each
new part of this sort of personal artistically put together blog and share my
stories, perhaps others stories and the medical side of things as well.
However, I am not a medical authority and should not be taken as one. I can
only speak from life experience and from the stories sent to me. I can only state
that as I write this introduction, that I too am learning about things and
bring them to light the best way I know how.
The following is
the official Public notice of the issue: (released online December 2008)
Okay it’s time
to come clean. As I have stated in an earlier posting I had some health issues
and some personal issues that I was dealing with that was causing me a delay in
the release of my work and not letting me attend Conventions. Well now it’s
time that I come clean. After months of planning on how to say it and even if I
should I have come to the decision to just be blunt, come out, and say it? Yes,
this could cost me customers, fans and even work and friends. However, this is
something that if I do not become open about it will ultimately end up hurting
me more emotionally and mentally in the long run.
First off, I ask
that if you to bear with me but understand that this is an issue that I have struggled
with for over 23 years of my life. Even though my immediate friends and family have
known about it for a year now, I have not quite discussed in this out in the
open that much nor as in-depth as I will in the future. Nor have I discussed
how I had to make this decision in my life.
So here it is. I
am transgendered. I always felt I was in the wrong body all my life and it took
me looking at how my life was as I sat in the Emergency room early last October
suffering from asthma and finding out how much closer to death I truly was.
Over the last year, I thought about ending it. Several times in my life, I found
my self-thinking of a way to kill myself. Trust me it takes a lot not to act on
the impulse that I had to end it all back then. My life was stuck in a rut; I
was overweight, depressed, out of work and building debt with no care for my
self-being. All the while, I hid another life another side of me from myself
and the world I had created in my mind. Hidden away in a box under my bed was a
small collect of cloths that I would wear for time to time. It all started at
the age of seven. Like many people who go through the life of being
transgendered, this is when I started to notice the difference between boys and
girls, and I found myself on the wrong side. I looked like a boy but inside I
was a girl. When I tried to act like a girl society would push me away from my
choice and tell me "No you are a boy and boys don't act like how you are
acting." Therefore, I pushed it away locking my feelings, opinions and self
away for how I was to be formed by the vision the world had for me. There where
brief moments in my life where I would sneak a chance to feel like myself over
the years but it wasn't till I was on my own that I start to really be able to
explore my life but by then the damage was done. I my fury of holding my anger
at what I had become inward and I continued to destroy my life through bad
habits and negative thinking. Throughout this time, I was in and out of Therapy
sessions and even placed on several drugs to help curb my attitude. However,
what my life really called for was coming clean with who I am and who I wish to
be.
Since I came
clean to my friends, family and most importantly myself, I have been working on
pursuing the path towards solving this issue. My first step was to get my health
in line and learn to deal with the issue through therapy and with the help of friends
and family. Luckily, for me I have loving friends and family that have all come
to understand what I have been through and my decision is best for me. I have
truly changed my life and how I act. Slowly I have over the last year been
working on rebuilding my life from scratch only this time I would not ignore
the person I want to be and the person I am. Although as I write this I have
yet to go through any physical changes in my life (other than losing about 50 lbs.
over the year) I have mainly focused on my lifestyle.
me at graduation from VCU May 2000
Now for how this
will affect my work, Other than CV taking two paths one being the continued
humor strips where the old me will be replaced by the new me, and the new section
called CV: Path of the Butterflies. This new section will not be for younger readers
and will not just be a web comic instead, it will be more a personal transformation
dairy and guide for others. The subject at times will be dark and for me deeply
personal but I am ready and willing to share my life story with the world.
Cartoon me form my web-comic Critical View
Otherwise it
won't change my work I carry a sense of professionalism about my life and my
choices I make yet I never have my life effect my work for both my fans and for
my clients. Sure, my name will eventually change along with my looks. However,
as for whom I am, that change has already occurred over the last year, I have
matured and carry a professional attitude towards those who I work with making
sure I get the job done at the absolute best way possible.
I write this I
hope for you the reader to better understand me and what I am going thru.
In the future, I
hope we can get to grow closer. If that is not the case then I am glad you gave
me the time in reading this and any of my previous work and for that I thank
you. For those that want to know more about this subject in my life I ask you
to tune into my upcoming guide, Critical View: Path of the Butterflies. Where I
will be sharing a more in-depth look at the decisions and issues that brought
me to this point in my path of life and some tips, tricks, opinions and info I
find along the way.
Thank you
B. T. Dodson
Photo Me and my brother (I'm the one in the red overalls)
I wrote this in the original Path back in 2009 to
reach the few friends through online and conventions that I had attended for
years to learn about the issues I was going through. In the coming years I would
learn more and more and see that things aren't always as clear as one can read.
I first came out to my friends and family about what troubled me after years of
studying and even more years of therapy. So let’s start with where my path
began.
Personal (Age 7):
Like most children of the world at age seven all I
cared about doing was playing and getting out of school to watch cartoons or as
the eighties brought us day time game shows. I had two real friends in my life
at this time outside of my family relationship. The first was my neighbor my
age and a boy that shared my first name that would eventually move away. The
second I don’t think my family ever met was a girl name Sarah. Sarah was my
class room friend the two of us where the outcasts of the class we didn't care
to play the games of others and she and I were perfectly contempt to just sit
there and play in dirt or sand, we played house, and with dolls. I never would
care for playing sports it wasn't that I couldn't (I actually have a undefeated
trophy in soccer from that age) but I never had interest in it. But around this
time I started to have a love for something different, girl’s clothing. It was
around these times of playing with Sarah that I began to notice things that
different my clothing and body from hers. I was wearing stripped collared shirts
of the day and stuck in my uncomfortable corduroy pants, while she began to
wear dress and skirts. She wasn't a beautiful girl by the class standards she
was the plain looking girl with braids and thick glasses that kept shy about
the time. But my play times with her weren't the only time I felt this way.
Often I would go shopping with my mother at the local mall I would find my
chance to hide away and feel at the clothing imaging the day that I finally
could wear it myself. A time that I had to repress and it wasn't easy, I was
adopted in my family and not but a few years later my mom and dad divorced and
with it came family therapy. But the time in there and at school had the over eager staff to label me ADHD (All current signs and testing prove that I am not
these days) Which had me in a therapist chair at the time of this issue and the
frustration of me having to repress myself and my dreams caused anger, anxiety,
depression and stress on the body of a young elementary school boy. Issues so
suppressed I wouldn't confront them till long after damage would take years to
fix. It wouldn't be till I was 27 till I reached that point of where my life
had to change to match myself discovery of 7 years old
Professional Look:
Okay let’s being. Science has
noted as did we in the last chapter that there are a few given signs to a
person being transgender. The most notable ones being Depression and thoughts
of suicide, these of course are final signs of transgender people as stated
before as those that ignore these two signs will often just end up as a suicide
statistic then another transgender. There are a couple of other signs but often
they are dismissed as the subject acting odd or even placed into other types of
mental disorders that the person may or may not have.
These early signs of Transgender
subjects
01 Displacement from conformity
in play with others of the same sex
02 Displacement of self from
social activity
03 Anger issues
04 Tendency to start fights
05 A low tolerance to name
calling
06 Emotionally Unbalanced behaviors
In these signs the child is identifying
those that they more come to socially fit in with. If they are rejected they
tend to go on their own and slip into an early stage of regression of themselves.
The regression since the child hasn't fully developed its abilities to fully
adapt turn to be let turned into acts or rage or sadness. Often these acts are
brought out when confronted by the issue by peers. Note this is an ongoing
study and is difficult for a case study based on the rarity of cases and it’s
still currently an unknown as to causes.
Most of these signs develop around
ages 2 - 9 in children mainly when they begin to notice the difference in male
and females.
Those Awkward Years 7 - 15
As we
further develop into adults the child begins to display other signs some more
visible maybe even verbal, but its also when if the early signs are missed and
it truly is a case of the child being transgender it will lead on to even
further regression of ones self image.
By the
time I hit 7 I knew I wasn’t meant to be a boy. I would sneak in and try on my
mothers cloths, I even tried some makeup at a day care I stayed after school
(all be I did get in trouble when the caretakers found I got in her purse and
smeared lipstick on me). But worse yet I started to seriously get bullied, my
parents took it as the bullies picked on me to get me to react (something my
therapist at the time also held to his heart) when in actually I knew exactly
what it was that had me as their target. It was the fact that even though I
looked like a boy I sure as hell didn’t act like one so they where determined
by the course of nature to prove that I was no threat to them by picking on me.
I had let the issue dig deep inside me so much that it let me have moments of
black outs in a fight where I would fight back wildly, this worked a few times
(all the way up till I was 14) but twice I learned it just had me fight wreck
less and ignore what pain I myself took. The first time was when I was 7 and a
bully I fought with hit me with a sanded down 2x4 to the head causing me to go
in for stitches in my ear. The second time was my last real fight where a game
of street baseball with all the neighborhood had turned into a fist fight with
me and a teenager that was almost 17, I lost a tooth in that fight but it took
me a good 20 minutes to even realize it was knocked out. Meanwhile my family
trips to head shrinks where a common thing. Each time they tried to find me
out. They conducted tests and would try to place me in places telling me how I
should be. But I wouldn’t listen.
The next set of signs as I stated before my life view point
are a fork in the road. Ether the child comes out and admits it or like my own
life regresses it further. Thus this time we have two sections.
Those that come clean at childhood
01 Dress up in other genders cloths - in secret or in the
open
02 admitting the issue to themselves and others
03 Still bullied, yet with outlets the issue can be dealt
with in therapy or worked out with family
04 Depression can still begin yet can be channeled
05 Self Inflicted Body Abuse may begin
Those that regress further
01 Dress up in other genders cloths - In secret
02 admitting the issue to themselves then hiding it from
others
03 Still bullied, Fights and emotional fits can become
greater
04 Depression begins and may go unnoticed
05 Drug problems can begin
06 Suicidal thoughts can emerge
07 Body abuse may begin
08 Becomes a Shut in
In both cases depression can still come out as well as body
abuse such as “Cutting” or even violent acts at one self. Bullies will remain
pretty much till high school as nature tries to stamp out the oddity in the
room. The more noted difference is the open person will talk about the issue
bothering them and may even try to fit in the role they wish to play by getting
or asking for cloths that match who they feel they are. Where the regressed
person will get or try on the cloths completely in secret, bringing the concept
of shame and anger towards oneself for who they are which in turn leads to
greater issues.
Teenage Wasteland
By the
time I hit high school I had begun to fully regress myself from the world. I
did take part in helping out in the high school plays doing stage craft mostly,
a job where I couldn’t be seen and thus no one would notice me. Suicide had
become a weekly thought in my head and even though I was not skilled with a
razor I used it to shave off any body hair I could with my unskilled hand. My
parents kept talking me out of letting me even grow out my own hair, but then
they couldn’t understand why a boy would want long hair (odd from people that
saw the 1960’s but hey) I had no interest in girls or even sex at this stage of
my life, the only sex I cared about was my own. But I will admit I was curious
and since I was a tall and older looking then I was I got my hands on some
porno magazines to get a better look at what I couldn’t see even in my sex ED
class. I only went out to my prom on a whim and hastily went with a close high
school friend. My prom did show a bit of my girly style as I was the only boy
at the prom to be a decent dancer and to have a tux that while it looked good
on me also had me stick out like a sore thumb. But it didn’t matter. These years
most of my fights and anger issues were not at school any more, they where in
the home. All I wanted was a way out. Out my home, out of my school, out of my
sex or even out of my own life. I began to over eat when I got upset, I also
would get health problems caused by the mental stress I was going through. I
began to not care what happened to me. I began to fade away from my own life.
The final stages that show in a transgender child are once
again split in the two earlier forks only this time they are far more different
then before.
Those that come clean
01 A feeling of not being able to fit in
02 Open display of wearing other sexes cloths
03 Personal name change
04 Stress of typical teenager, I.e. romance, school work,
Work
05 Seeking of medical help
06 Regressing Puberty (by medical blockers)
07 Engaging opposing Puberty (by means of Hormones)
08 Greater Social activity then in earlier childhood
09 Self Mutilation
10 Depression (still possible but less sever)
Those that regress
01 Fighting Puberty
02 Still hiding wearing opposite sexes clothing
03 Depression
04 Thoughts and acts of suicide
05 Drug Abuse
06 Self Mutilation
07 Lack of interest Social events
08 Lack of interest in a partner
09 Greater aggression in the Home
10 Lack of focus on school or work
11 Lack of goals for future
12 Possible Reverse change (M-F transgender may try to be
the role model of a male, vice versa for F-M)
13 Criminal Activity
Most of the issues for the child that becomes open are
more positive routes to help them deal with the issue, even though some things
can still linger that might cause some depression its less likely to be as
sever as it is for the one regressing the issue. Issues the regressed child has that may be
key signs are such as fighting puberty. In my own way I fought my voice change
which in a way did make my adult voice a bit pitchy. Depression is now a pretty
much solid case now for the regressed child and along with it suicide thoughts
and actions. The less noticed signs for regressed is the total lack of interest
in most social events and people they can become part of. They may be able to
scrape together a few friends and hide away in a social activity that takes a
lot of people. Also they might try to be the role model of their birth sex,
this means a male to female might grow facial hair and act super macho, or a
Female to male might grow her hair long and wear dresses to try and hide who
they are for their own safety, keep in mind its done purely as a defensive
action cause by now they have had years of bullying to cause them to go into
hiding in plain sight.
Those cover the possible signs there are as I can call it.
So now that we better understand some signs of being transgender lets look at
resources that are a good place to go to. In most books you would have to go
looking into suggested sites in the bibliography but since this isn’t your
average book we will be placing this in here. I will try and keep them separate
as to help make things clear to all . I will cover some good and some bad.
Giving you the reasons to check out each but also warning you on each.
George Town report on the subject
National Women’s Health Network
Article on the subject
Gazette article on the subject:
Acdima Research Article on the
subject
Personal Last words:
Since coming out about this
information much of my life has changed, much of the depression in my life is
gone along with much of the anxiety as I began to become the person I always
felt I should be. My anger is quelled for the most part to match normal
standards and while I still get stressed I am both better equipped to handle it
and find ways out of my situation. These
days I live full time on my own working on several tasks and freelancing on the
side of working part time to help pay the bills. I may not be close to where I
dreamed I was so long ago but now days I am much happier and willing to head
down the road of being a productive member of society. And sharing the advice I
can give is just one more step on the path.
Left: Me in 2007 4 months before I came out Right: Me March 2013
In the News:
Katie Couric lands in hot water
over wording on her show to Transgender guests
Okay this has been pretty much
the hot button issue so far of the New Year with transgender people in a future
post I will cover it more in depth but at this time I will just say that what
you call someone is based on a one on one interaction. When you go on
television shows expect to get some what offended or treated not in every way
you would like because the shows live for conflict its ratings gold to them. I
feel this is less worthy of the attention it’s been getting and say it’s a non-story
in itself. Move along here people there are worse things to get upset about.
Okay thank you for reading this
article and please I ask leave a comment below on the subject of the matter
which is, Introduction: What is Transgender, and how early do signs appear?
Share your own stories or articles. If you want to keep your opinion from
public view or you just want to share news articles, say hi or curse me out
email me at brittanydodson@imbriaarts.com
Next Posts issue will be “Is begin
Transgender something new? When did this whole thing start?”
See you next time and weather
your trans or not keep walking the Path to begin a better person!
